Taking off the label

I know, I probably have a number of people going “huh?” about the feminism related things I’ve posted and on the other hand, I know under another related lens it’s still bad that I’m trying to talk positively about relationships and sex. I just wish I could find a more positive way to be able to talk about how to fix certain things that are going on and recurring in our society. Especially in regards to the treatment of gender and relationships. The “greatest examples of manliness” often have this toxic idea of what masculinity is that you know that men just aren’t made to be. Men have emotions and are human and I adore so much of what men are, and there’s no need to put down any other gender identity to celebrate masculinity.  I know many of you see and feel that gap in what’s seen as good or healthy in masculinity too. It’s something Mjao’s spent wondering about his whole life, since even the guys in romance movies when you look through the gloss can be creepy or rude and it’s… Not what men really are. To me, there’s so much love, honor and devotion to be celebrated from guys, but for some reason it’s… Still seen as wrong. Why? Why should it be that a man’s not a “man” unless he’s oppressing or harming? I call bullshit! If a man has to put down others to feel more secure in his own identity, there’s something very wrong about his self-image, image of others, and just… Outlook on life. No one is the “other”, we are all humans and there’s no way to truly make sense out of humans, but… We try, and it seems there’s a growing industry of making men miserable and blaming other people for it. It’s like the weight-loss industry, but with a scapegoat that’s more aggressive about shaming all parties involved.

According to so many since I love guys, the color pink and want to talk about sex without getting mad I’m not really a feminist. On the other hand the fact that I don’t agree with the sex industry commodity-model of sexuality, I’m a prude and anti-sex…? I want to talk about how to improve our world and our love without getting sad or mad. Sometimes it seems there’s just… A lot to be sad about. We’re being told every few minutes who we’re supposed to be, even if it’s just a figment of somebody else’s imagination that was put together just to sell us something we feel bad about it and… That’s not cool. I know it’s not as big a surprise I don’t feel “normal” in the BDSM scene, but is it odd that I don’t feel “normal” in feminist circles either? (Even though I believe in equality, peace, and justice there are some people out there that say and do some really dumb things. Or even gender supremacists that scare the everlivin’ shit out of me. Or white middle class feminist ideas vs people who’ve faced problems they’ll probably not see and  It’s like… They keep using that word, and not knowing what it means. Sort of like saying “I’m Christian, except where Jesus talked about stuff or taught anything!” Then aren’t you actually a follower of Paul and not Christ?) Some of you know that I’m designer and writer by trade, and I’ve never been the norm even there for some reason or another. (Strangely enough, some of that interlinks with other ideas. Apparently heterosexuals can’t make art and it’s imperative to be on drugs. Where was I when this decision was made? I missed the meeting and memo.)

But I’m finding that the less I see myself in a group with a label, the happier I am with myself. Yeah, I’m a “kinky” girl. I do silly things in my sex life and romantic life, which are pretty much inseparable to me and I love it. (Yeah, I’m afraid I’m somewhere between the pranking schoolgirl and a gameshow host. It’s fun for me that way!) I’m in love with things that are cutesy and fluffy. I’m in love with honest, hard-working men. I’m in love with my new home. I’m in love with making people smile. I’m in love with finding ways to share my brain with others. (*giggles* I suppose in this case brainwashing. I’m in love with brainwashing?) As much information as others have gathered, philosophy and thought that have been collected I’d like to discuss and share… Sometimes things leave a heavy print on your heart because it’s heavy material. There’s so much that can make you sad, and we have to work together to improve the world. We need to be cool to one another, and be able to look at where our thoughts and impulses come from. Are they really from you, or is there something that was planted in you that you may want to uproot once you see it? I’m still in the process of uprooting my own baobabs. I find it’s easier if I don’t go to get a label from somebody else. I’m Skates, and I’m in love with my world. Not everything about it is great, but there are things I can do to make it better. There’s always a lot that can be done to make your world a brighter and more loving place.

To brighten up my day a bit more maybe I should cook something a little more indulgent. I could make pork, then have Mjao do cute things for his dinner when he gets home tonight. ❤