So far I’ve re-uploaded the original 4 MP3s I did and updated the links to them! Hope everybody enjoys! Looking forward to recording some more, since it helps reduce stress, can improve my techniques, and keeps my voice in shape. ❤ Thanks, everyone!
Backlog of thoughts
Sorry to take a bit longer clearing cobwebs than expected. Mjao & I moved into a new apartment and I now have time to sit and review over some of the old writings and ideas I’d had for hypnotic recordings and decide which ones to do first or which ones to try and improve.
A couple questions I’ve had people ask I’ll go ahead and answer.
While my initial goal when I started before the life landslide was 1 MP3 a week, I’m hoping to get close to that in the future.
I’ve had some friends ask if I had thought about charging for hypnotic MP3s, and while that may help with some stuff for Mjao & I saving, I’d probably want to put together a professional quality recording first. (ie. No sound of the dryer in the background or audio fuzz, better mixing, improve my voice quality and strength, improve my technique…) So, nothing like that unless I get umm… Actually pretty good at it. And even if, the majority of things I do I’d like to be freely available to people for the purpose of creating more healthy and positive content for people to connect with and share with others.
One of the reasons I’ll admit to being quiet for so long is a have a bit of anxiety about talking with and dealing with people in larger settings. I like being a small fish since it’s a bit safer in my mind. *laughs* But, over the years of being in nerd and kink communities there’s lots of random pulling in opposite directions and a lot of hurt, especially looking at sexual and gender relationships and… While I’m often a bit scared to talk about these kinds of things in larger settings, I try to look at most things from a… For a long time I used the word feminist, but so many people have coopted that word I’m not sure what proper term would apply nowadays. I may keep that word in defiance of chromosomal sex / gender exclusive ideas, but that’s something I could write a lot more about that I’m sure somebody could write more eloquently than me. I’m not as much a writer as other skills I have, and… I still have a lot of emotional baggage to unpack myself, and I wouldn’t want to project any of that onto people. I find often words are a cause of misunderstandings with how complicated they can be. (I know, kinda’ paraphrased Saint-Exupery there, but he’s one of my favorites. ❤ ) I’m a “reforming tsundere” who only every opened up kindness that much to a handful of people since I was often so afraid of being hurt…And if I say or do something messed up, it’s okay to calmly talk about it. Calmly being a big thing. (I’m still transforming from Asuka Langley Soryu to Usagi Tsukino. From once fearful aggression to keep others out to enthusiastic compassion for all people who I want to help and heal. It’s sometimes a weird ride. And picking those two characters probably shows my age… Whoops.) One of the reasons if I talk about some of these things I like using literary devices since it’s a relate-able source that often gives a chance to discuss the ideas without it being immediately about character judgments on a personal level. There’s a lot we can learn from making analysis of our favorite things even in experimental thought patterns, and how we are able to study and reach the conclusions we do, step by step.
Right now, we have a limited source on who is speaking for some ideas and they aren’t always healthy. My aspiration in time is to be able to… I guess help other people with healing and thought processes since I’m going through a lot of that stuff myself and being down in the trenches with people I care about helps, and even if you don’t know me personally if I can help anybody else by letting them know I’m going through it too, and everybody else in some fashion is going through the same thing… It eases the pain to know you’re not alone. I guess to quote Red Green “I’m pullin’ for ya’. We’re all in this together”
Umm… Let’s see… For humiliation MP3s I’ve had a couple people ask, and I wouldn’t mind experimenting a bit with them. I have some friends/playmates in my personal/kink circle who enjoy that greatly and while I’ll admit it feels a little peculiar since that’s normally something I really try not to do in other avenues, it’s a good stress reliever since often it’s about that sense of control or pushing through feeling ridiculous for the recipient, and facing those fears. So I do feel a little more competent in that aspect now, and may do some MP3s for those who enjoy that type of play, since there’s so little material out there that can or does handle humiliation themes with an upbeat twist or tries to make anything constructive of it.
Mjao & I are now engaged and planning some stuff for a wedding in the near future, finances permitting.
Other things…
Hi, Rachel~!
Hi, Daddy~!
Now… Which idea to record first…?
Clearing off the cobwebs
It’s been a loooong time since I’ve been able to log into here and really focus on my hypnosis work and play. I know some of you have been wondering where I’ve been. It’s been… A bumpy road over the past few years and I… I miss doing this. A lot of you are so cool and supportive of my work, and I’ll admit… Coming back here and seeing some of the old comments I didn’t get to see before, I’m proud of you all. Not only because you’re able to look at yourselves and the world around you and want to make a difference and learn from your own hearts, but because you’re very open to discussion and reasonable about things whether you agree with them not at all or only a little.
I’d like to say I’m sorry for my absence. It’s been a bit of a crazy ride. In the past 3 years we’ve had about… 5 deaths in the family, moved a couple times, changed jobs a few times, found new friends and family, helped move more family into town, adopted some kittens, changed my own career path, and are still eagerly planning a wedding for Mjao and myself. (As you can imagine, some of those things kinda’ postponed the last one.)
I’m going to try and get back to the initial goal of a file a week, but I’ll admit that may shift a little. I suppose first thing’s first is to locate the old files and re-upload them. Or try and re-record them in better quality?
Sooo….. Umm… Hi! ^_^
Taking off the label
I know, I probably have a number of people going “huh?” about the feminism related things I’ve posted and on the other hand, I know under another related lens it’s still bad that I’m trying to talk positively about relationships and sex. I just wish I could find a more positive way to be able to talk about how to fix certain things that are going on and recurring in our society. Especially in regards to the treatment of gender and relationships. The “greatest examples of manliness” often have this toxic idea of what masculinity is that you know that men just aren’t made to be. Men have emotions and are human and I adore so much of what men are, and there’s no need to put down any other gender identity to celebrate masculinity. I know many of you see and feel that gap in what’s seen as good or healthy in masculinity too. It’s something Mjao’s spent wondering about his whole life, since even the guys in romance movies when you look through the gloss can be creepy or rude and it’s… Not what men really are. To me, there’s so much love, honor and devotion to be celebrated from guys, but for some reason it’s… Still seen as wrong. Why? Why should it be that a man’s not a “man” unless he’s oppressing or harming? I call bullshit! If a man has to put down others to feel more secure in his own identity, there’s something very wrong about his self-image, image of others, and just… Outlook on life. No one is the “other”, we are all humans and there’s no way to truly make sense out of humans, but… We try, and it seems there’s a growing industry of making men miserable and blaming other people for it. It’s like the weight-loss industry, but with a scapegoat that’s more aggressive about shaming all parties involved.
According to so many since I love guys, the color pink and want to talk about sex without getting mad I’m not really a feminist. On the other hand the fact that I don’t agree with the sex industry commodity-model of sexuality, I’m a prude and anti-sex…? I want to talk about how to improve our world and our love without getting sad or mad. Sometimes it seems there’s just… A lot to be sad about. We’re being told every few minutes who we’re supposed to be, even if it’s just a figment of somebody else’s imagination that was put together just to sell us something we feel bad about it and… That’s not cool. I know it’s not as big a surprise I don’t feel “normal” in the BDSM scene, but is it odd that I don’t feel “normal” in feminist circles either? (Even though I believe in equality, peace, and justice there are some people out there that say and do some really dumb things. Or even gender supremacists that scare the everlivin’ shit out of me. Or white middle class feminist ideas vs people who’ve faced problems they’ll probably not see and It’s like… They keep using that word, and not knowing what it means. Sort of like saying “I’m Christian, except where Jesus talked about stuff or taught anything!” Then aren’t you actually a follower of Paul and not Christ?) Some of you know that I’m designer and writer by trade, and I’ve never been the norm even there for some reason or another. (Strangely enough, some of that interlinks with other ideas. Apparently heterosexuals can’t make art and it’s imperative to be on drugs. Where was I when this decision was made? I missed the meeting and memo.)
But I’m finding that the less I see myself in a group with a label, the happier I am with myself. Yeah, I’m a “kinky” girl. I do silly things in my sex life and romantic life, which are pretty much inseparable to me and I love it. (Yeah, I’m afraid I’m somewhere between the pranking schoolgirl and a gameshow host. It’s fun for me that way!) I’m in love with things that are cutesy and fluffy. I’m in love with honest, hard-working men. I’m in love with my new home. I’m in love with making people smile. I’m in love with finding ways to share my brain with others. (*giggles* I suppose in this case brainwashing. I’m in love with brainwashing?) As much information as others have gathered, philosophy and thought that have been collected I’d like to discuss and share… Sometimes things leave a heavy print on your heart because it’s heavy material. There’s so much that can make you sad, and we have to work together to improve the world. We need to be cool to one another, and be able to look at where our thoughts and impulses come from. Are they really from you, or is there something that was planted in you that you may want to uproot once you see it? I’m still in the process of uprooting my own baobabs. I find it’s easier if I don’t go to get a label from somebody else. I’m Skates, and I’m in love with my world. Not everything about it is great, but there are things I can do to make it better. There’s always a lot that can be done to make your world a brighter and more loving place.
To brighten up my day a bit more maybe I should cook something a little more indulgent. I could make pork, then have Mjao do cute things for his dinner when he gets home tonight. ❤
Link! Domism: Role Essentialism and Sexism Intersectionality in the BDSM Scene
This just says so much of some of the things that I’ve been wanting to talk about and I figured it may be simpler to link and give credit where a lot of credit is due. Yes Means Yes is a very good read for one’s brain on how many things like this weave together. MorgueDweller sent me this because she is one of the most awesome people on the planet. (I got to visit her while I was out of state. We’re planning on doing some audio posts together! Yay~!)
I got home from working on a film about a week ago and I’ve been exhausted from all the stuff I’ve been doing since then. Commission stuff, recovering from some of the scenes that just left my muscles locked for a while, writing my own stuff again, getting my voice back into gear… 3 weeks writing around smokers in a moldy basement “office.” Eeww! (I love my crew dearly, but come on!) It also had been a bit sad with some of the things going on behind the scenes with our crew. I got home to my cuties and have been just demanding more cuddles since it’s been physically and emotionally taxing. ^_^; Almost a month without privacy, man-snuggles or down-time! So I’ve been a little “demandingly moe” and wearing my imaginary tiara as I ask for a glass of water and kisses. Not that Mjao and My Experiment mind too much. They’re just too sweet!
Evil Demon Seductress
I ended up needing to re-record some sections thanks to my own mush-mouth and in the midst of work on a huge project for which I’m doing writing, design and finding more personnel I’ve got some icky throat probs thanks to my allergies. Ah, summer! It’s so beautiful I could die! (And just might! O_o) Not that the other writers smoking around me helps that much either. I’d post a little Vocaroo, but I sound like Cookie Monster drowning. (Thanks, writing staff!)
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Removed the video since after a long time of trying to find somebody better that isn’t as dogmatic or heavy-handed in discussing the idea of this in femdom stuff, how the fear or anxiety of socializing with women, especially when you’re always told their mysterious or like the existential “other”, interplays with the idea of dangerous women or femme-creatures in erotic stories and subtexts. Maybe I can do a bit better without shaming people, and I don’t ask for money. (I may not have much of it, but I don’t offer professional quality recordings to ask for that. I have my day job for that.)
Then again, actually talking about the existentialist idea of “other” may be a start there. Something that we cannot know because it is outside of ourselves and what we see as our world. There is a certain thrill and sense of curiosity in something which we assume we cannot know, even if it’s something that logically isn’t that different. Seeing a woman in that “seductive demoness” role often is a reflection on that anxiety of socializing or being approached by the unknown, and being able to give it a face through the lens of old lore. Many of these old lore stories were meant to preach control, but in this day and age we’ve learned from these experiences and exploration of our humanity to not fear or have such need to control others for our fear. (And those who still feel this fear, notice they’re being left in the dust at a blazing speed.) In turn, it is able to lessen that fear and anxiety of not being able full know or understand the mind of another person and structure it into something akin to a play between the participants. Many people are taught that women are unknowable by people who never cared to learn even about themselves, so learning about another person with another life would be beyond them. (Even if it would be to their benefit.) We take this and in the same way we are “afraid” going into a haunted house at an amusement park, we then learn about our own reactions to anxiety, what it is we fear, and in a safe environment take is apart and put it back together into a fun learning experience with others. We fear something that we assumed was beyond our reason or control, and found that what is in the dark actually is an opportunity to learn and push beyond our previously known boundaries.
The old ideas of “evil women” and the fetishization of that fear in pornography has been a long running thing and… It’s done a lot to damage what people see and learn about D/s, BDSM, and kink relationships. While it’s inspired a lot of cool things, we also need to know that the mainstream of this has had an old agenda that basically would prefer you feel shame and fear about your sexuality so you can only feel safe purchasing their product and not know any other options. By keeping your sex-life shitty and this very unhealthy fantasy world going where you don’t actually learn anything about what real bondage is they attempt to keep out the competition of knowledge or experience in sex. Even though, in this modern age of information everywhere all the time, the mainstream industry is faltering to amateurs, drawings, or even just talking and seeing what actual sex and intimacy is like. By keeping that fear of real intimacy and learning through shame going, they market to a smaller and smaller crowd every year. (I know all that time working in marketing for everything from candy to porn sites would come in handy eventually.) But, if they were to change this habit for a larger audience it’d pretty much mean having to re-establish the industry and forgot all that Western-Christian guilt many of us in the Western-world grew up with. I’d be down.
As other forms of media grew more sexualized to draw in more eyeballs they took a few pages from that playbook, but unfortunately often without learning how to re-spin or build something better upon it. So you end up with some pretty badly done attempts to both get on that roller-coaster ride of scary thrills and bondage with the fear of learning about others, and with frequently by-men-for-men media women, without the introspection on the why or deconstruction of what is going on mentally with the piece. Perhaps I just expect too much thought process in development of media ranging from films, books, games, and theater, but… It lacks the nuances to be able to make a statement beyond “she gives me a boner and that frightens me” and that makes for a flat piece. But if it fails in sales they assume it was because it wasn’t “extreme” enough as opposed to the simple answer of “it was really badly written.” And saying something is badly written is not to attack those who enjoy the piece or made it, it’s just not everything is going to be a technically well-done piece or hold water when analyzed. It may not be meant to, but we should be expecting more as we expand our horizons as individuals and a society. I admit to watching dumb “hawt shlock” myself at times, but we should be lifting each other up to go on to greater things.
I’m kinda’ going off the top of my head since it’s been about… 5 years since I first saw that video and said “I’m not with this all the way, but I see a point here that probably could use some more discussion in a fruitful manner without getting too heavy.” With enough thought I’m sure I could do a better job, but then again… I learned a lot about what I call “feminism” and stuff from poor women and not in universities, stemming from reading existentialist lit, hippie takes on science and humanity, and Gestalt therapy stuff at home, sooo… What others may call it may be something entirely different. I have no idea what you’d call it other than “humanist-ish stuff”??
I’m still here, I promise!
Dropping a quick note! Sorry I’ve been quiet so long. Job search is heating up again, I got a few more commissions I’m working on graphic and web-design wise and it’s been starting up to be a whirlwind summer! (I’ve been recruited for some big design projects! I’m so excited!) I’ve got lots more to share and plan on getting a few new pieces up this weekend. ❤
Gentlemen prefer Magical Girls
Wow, it’s been a very busy week! Mjao and I ended up attending a friend’s wedding over the weekend, getting more stuff taken care of and planned for our home, working on more art-type stuff for other large projects. I got to thinking about how a particular link that popped up in conversation I had to share with My Experiment and a few other people. It had to do with a bit of feminist gushing over Sailor Moon, and then MorgueDweller and I got to talking about how very rare things that positive are made available to girls. I learned so much more about being a confident woman in control of my own life and relationships from Sailor Moon and other magical girls than anybody in “the scene” could try to impart upon me with as many links to Elise Sutton had been sent my way by guys who tried to tell me as a woman I was enjoying and controlling my own sexuality wrong. (I’ll let you try and wrap your brain around the logic in that… Head hurts, doesn’t it?)
I’d learned it was okay to be so feminine and still be that strong. I learned there was an immense power in femininity and I could draw upon that power within myself, regardless of how foofy or tomboyish I could be. I learned of the wisdom and influence that compassion offered to others, and how that could change the world around me. I learned that a man who supports m decisions and is willing to give his service, time, love and life is not weaker for giving himself to me, especially if I’m “taking the reigns” on the relationship. Why? Because we both trust each other and he’s strong enough to give himself, be able to take what comes his way and learn from me. I know that he respects me as an equal first and has the knowledge in himself to know when to turn to and pledge his efforts to me. I learned that I didn’t have to change myself into something more to other people’s liking in order to be loved. The only person I change for is myself, to act for the greater good and teach others to do the same. Usagi in Sailor Moon was the one who had to find and rescue the princess, only to discover that the princess is herself. When you think about the message that offers to young people… Look within yourself as a hero, only you can truly save yourself. Although, she was never alone in this search. There was a great diversity of personalities and loved ones that created this beautiful solidarity among the women in this series. They didn’t rely on men to validate themselves, they didn’t need other people to tell them they were beautiful and that great strength of spirit and this… Family they built of so many, was very moving.
Strong, independent, loving, able to revel in the joy and power of my own femininity and compassion…! This is what I felt in my heart and what drove me. This is what I felt was me and showed the most authority and control. So much more can be accomplished with a stroke than a punch, but don’t be afraid to punch if the time comes. Not being told to be ashamed, cowardly, subservient or weak as many try to thrust the idea that “feminine” is. Being proud of the beauty both within and without, the strength and perseverance of a compassionate heart, the gentle aspects of my personality were nothing to hide or be mocked. That’s one thing I do have to say, I never got about cross-dressing as “humiliation.” A get the idea that a man may feel a bit silly at first, but one of the things I find so intriguing about it is moving past that initial silly feeling to explore more of the gentle and cuddly aspects of his personality and be able to eventually feel comfortable and not less manly for it, but proud that he can find that beauty and tranquility in himself as well. I finally found at least a few guys who are into it with that kind of thought process, but for every one man who is, there seems to be another fifteen who are into it to be “taken down a peg” to the “place of a woman” which is cowardice, being used and degraded, worthless to them and look to it as a way to put a stamp of approval on their own misogyny and are angry when they get questioned about why they feel that way about women. Being girly isn’t easy, but it can be awesome! I love being able to share that with people. All that beauty and being able to explore the idea that gender is a lot more about the mind and fluidity than first appearance. Another concept that was first introduced to me at a young age with magical girls and writings that I started to look at through that first feminist lens, even though I wasn’t sure what to call it since I felt that empowerment is so very important to women, but it seemed everybody’s got something holding them back in our society in some way. Even the privileged are discouraged from growth because it might upset things too much. People needed love to rescue themselves…
I learned that I can be who I want and I don’t need to prove myself as powerful through other people or some apparatus. I don’t need to put on different clothes that don’t really communicate me to please other people, such as latex corsets or stuff like that. I don’t need to change how I act for anybody else, I show affection the way I do which is sometimes very fluffy and sometimes a bit aggressive. It’s still me, and I always has the best interest of those I love in my mind when I act. I often would be told I’m in charge of my own life and relationships wrong because it didn’t meet a marketed fantasy from somebody who deep down didn’t care about what affects women. Telling them things like if they don’t have anything penis-like they can’t truly have power in a relationship, or that things that are feminine are demeaning and if they felt otherwise they were simply… Wrong for being. That there’s no power in their own souls and a man can never love you for the you that you are, but you have to be somebody else’s idea… Which often times was more of a vilification of women and the idea that “power corrupts them” kind of thing which played on the idea that men should fear women and at the same time find them inferior in so many ways… Sounded an awful lot like an idea of removing women from their passions all over again. And eventually, I found that I wasn’t alone in that observation. Although, I still tend to be outside of a lot of things in what is considered the sex culture in my country since so much of it is based on the sex industry, which is rather oppressive and strangely anti-sex. (I’ll probably have a lot of posts on that in the future.) But when I started explaining to some that I’d met about how I felt I’d learned more about showing my love and taking lead on relationships from things like Sailor Moon, Magic Knight Rayearth, my constant re-reading of The Little Prince, my obsession with the idea of wielding magic… That “magic” was in my heart with my ability to see things, change minds of people around me and my art. Anybody who says I have to change into something I don’t want to be in order to be loved is someone who sad enough… Probably has no love to give, not even to themself. I change for me.
This is just the beginning of me talking about how magical girls changed my life for the better. I know, it sounds a little nerdy, but many of these things we see as children really shape how we view the world around us. I’ve had many a talk with submissive guys who were just all about superheroes, heroic mythology, knights and Power Rangers growing up and they felt that was the best portrayal of that aspect of their personality, their interest in relationships. It was one of the areas where you saw men making noble sacrifices and giving service and not being seen as less of a man for it. The idea of masculinity has been becoming more and more narrow and in a destructive way. Another thing I need to talk with you guys about. There’s so much more than what is encouraged in modern society in the spectrum of what is masculine or feminine and how these ideas can fluctuate over time. I can’t believe I just restrained myself from linking TVTropes here talking about the common ideas of masculinity in the media. That’s for another day, sweeties. One thing at a time. I’ll be returning to this idea and that one at least a few times.
Hello Jello!
Been writing away and drinking lots of water on top of the stuff like swimming and taking care of art and house stuff, today… I have a pretty simple fun thing to share. I think the next hypnosis uploads probably will be an longer thing for the spa MP3 and I’ve been working on a maid-themed fantasy! Writing for that one’s been really focusing on positive feelings. I have a video today! I have a bit of a thing for desserts. This is… Pretty hot to me.
Winding Thoughts on Language – First Ramble
Sometimes I just hate how very limiting language can be, even though I love language as much as I do. It’s particularly annoying in the world of sexual exploration as it currently stands. Like the fact that I identify as dominant and I’m a woman. This… Leads to a lot of people assuming a lot of things that I’m not that keen on. I mean, I’ve had guys message me saying that they were ready to be my dog so I could beat them and they could lick my spit off the floor… Which left me wondering what kind of puppy-kicking skank they think I am because I just happen to admit to being bossy. Dude…! Of course, responding to him very much like I just phrased it he apparently felt it necessary to apologize but there’s so much more he should be apologizing for, and not just to me… This is the way that women are told and expected to be in this “scene.” That’s just one of the more amusing ones that I’d encountered. I mean, after a few of these I‘ll admit… In a bit of a bet between writers I started delving just into how bad some stereotypes are, and it was pretty depressing. Part of it involved converting things into the “language” of this and just seeing the reactions of people. Not necessarily trolling, but at sometimes it felt a little hard not to… Some people bought porn and scene “hardcore” stereotypes so immensely, and other times it made your heart break I hard started writing about that for a while but felt talking with just a few people about how bad these stereotypes were and how nobody wanted to change it… I couldn’t stand by or just talk. There was no love to be had. So much was based on porn stereotypes which had their own sickening agenda that… I had to go ahead and voice that yes, there is another way. Don’t just talk, be the change you want to see. Show people what they’re missing by relying on that kind of mass-market idea of humans and their sexuality as commodities.
I ended up meeting My Experiment while working on that series of writings, he ended participating in this and he was an exception to the rule. I let him in, starting to learn a bit more of the language in… Different ways. I have 1 boyfriend and a small cuddle harem who I like to flirt with, pick on and stuff. Mjao, my boyfriend is held in the highest regard. I remember having a conversation with another person trying to sorta’… Feel out what in “scene” language that would be, they suggested “cuckold”, but… I’m not running on humiliating anybody. That immediately brings up this whole other list of concepts I could never live with! That word may compute with others, but not how I roll. Another person said that’s just what it’s like with a flirtatious geek girl, which… May be more true. “Cuddle Harem” was another… I have my cuties and I feel happy and proud to keep them. That’s perhaps the most true. I mean, I only make love with Mjao, my friends do have affection for me, and… I like having that affection without the sense of entitlement so many feel about others they engage in intercourse with. Cruel joke now, I knew My Experiment was fun and helpful and sweet… And we agreed to not exchange photos before meeting at my favorite Italian place in town and he was super nerdy-hot. I’d totally bone him! (Something tells me he’ll stumble on this and quote me. Yeeahhh…) And there is this enjoyment he has from knowing it’s an unfair competition with Mjao. (He has a humiliation thing… I have a pranking thing… This can be fun.) Mjao actually knows how to handle my sugar-fueled ass! I know saying that is a “disgrace” according to some who tried to tell me who and what to be, but when you’ve known somebody that long, you start learning what makes them tick and how to influence them. It’s not like I don’t turn around my own intimate knowledge of him for my own devious purposes!
Then again, I’ve seen My Experiment do it to me on occasion too. I drew a card for him, a black suit, and he had to call me so I could hear him… He asked for permission to cum, which… Technically against the rules of drawing a black card, but my brain just goes into a gooey, cooing mess at how adorable a guy is when he’s having an orgasm! … Come to think of it, I told him he owed me pastries for that. I think I’d like some crème horns… (Bossy or not, I can’t resist adorable. I don’t teach with negative reinforcement, you just find a way to make things seem either rewarding or fruitless. Fruitless is boring, so you do what is rewarding.) But even the notion of how the dynamics of how this kinda’ thing rolls trying to say to other people what or who and why in ways they understand can be odd. I mean, it’s easy enough to say Mjao is my boyfriend, he is my pet. We do petplay, but no beatings or anything. He’s my pet. That means he serves me with his cuteness and does his best to make me happy and I gush over how cute he is and give him salmon. (I think his favorite way to eat it is teriyaki with fried noodles.) He does everything he can to make me happy. Not because of some strictness or I’m constantly being mean to him or constantly playing up for his kinks. Because he loves me. Pleasing his loved ones is very important to him and is part of how he communicates his affection. I call My Experiment just that because that’s… Kinda’ what he is. He’s a bit of a research thing and… I have a thing for mad scientists and stuff. He’s my automated toy, a test into creating something different, the subject that didn’t fail. He’s my friend who takes his pants off. Ya’ know… I think that description could work if people ask again. He’s my friend who takes his pants off. Although, that implies perhaps that my other friends are incapable of undressing themselves??? Does this imply that other people need me to undress them? I’m starting to like where this line of questioning is going.
And once again I start on the subject of language in communication and get sidetracked how disorganized my own mind can be. When you think about a lot of things, sometimes you find yourself restricting your thought processes less when relaxing. It starts with a word, and leads somewhere else entirely different based on the concepts that interlink. There are so many branches from a simple word that can be revealed as you watch it grow. I plan on talking a bit more about the “stereotype research” with other writers over time. Some of these things may be likely just break down your brain with irritation, bafflement and occasionally break your heart. Why do people succumb to a language and subculture that is so very strongly about crushing their own growth for the sake of what is about further shame and demonization of their sexuality? Why put up with it? Many people feel so trapped by “scene”, the language, the expectations of a marketed fantasy that has little to do with getting to know yourself. There is another option. Why succumb to being a spitting puppy kicker because somebody tells you that you have to be?
HypnoSkates 